Darkness Breeds This Thinking Without Thinking

Imagine you are at the beach.

You sit down at a lovely sunny spot and look down at the sand.

Without much thought you take a handful and set it to the side. You do this again and again until you've made a small hole.

You notice that every time you take a handful, more sand rushes to fill it's place. You also notice that despite this, your hole grows deeper every time.

This is the world.

We can eliminate any aspect of it. Rain. Fire. Sickness. Hunger.

And something will always rush to fill it's spot. Something will always try to restore balance.

But it's never enough. The hole grows deeper. The balance is still out of alinement.

The only difference between the beach and the universe is that, on the beach you can fill the hole.

lack

the loose structure

the lack of attention to details like such

why is this the mysterious stranger?

why have I been hiding for so long?

Excitement

Have you ever been so excited for something that you have a dream where what you want happens over and over again. And in between each time you wake up, sometimes in dream and sometimes for real, and you realize it all never happened. But when drift off there it is again.

I hate this.

Why?

It's essentially the worst night of sleep ever.

And all the while your excitement taunts you.

Freezing

When you were younger you used to love watching icicles melt. There was something fascinating about this tiny piece of nature disappearing forever. Now that you are all grown up the icicles have lost their awe. You don't see them as works of art anymore. You see them as people. And they really are quite similar to you.

They are all generally the same, yet each one is so perfectly unique. They spend half of their lives building themselves up and the other half slowly dripping away. And once they're gone, they are gone forever.

You've told others about your theory before but they didn't see it as you did. They had laughed and told you they had an excellent imagination. You really shouldn't of been so surprised about the reaction. After all, not many have seen what you have.

Not many people know how cold humanity can be.

For the most part you've kept your thoughts about icicles to yourself, in fact, you've nearly forgotten about it.

Every once and a while though, temperatures drop and once again hundreds of pieces of frozen water appear everywhere. Those are the times you look out your window and remember you're freezing.



I'm not really sure what brought that on to be honest. I would suspect the chills but maybe not. All I know is that it makes perfect sense really. In some weird way...

Thought you should know

I'm visiting the actual Anasazi cliffs tomorrow.

I wonder what it may bring forth.

Questions of a Lost Soul

Why?

How can it be?

These are such simple questions that anyone can ask, yet, sometimes they provide difficult answers.

I'm sure at some point you've come across a curious (annoying perchance?) child. If so, then you already know how difficult why can be.

At some point you have to draw the line and say "I really haven't got a clue"

No one has all the answers

Anyone that claims they do is not speaking the truth.

And how? Who would know?

The chicken or the egg? How?

A million answers to every question.

Who am I to tell you which one is correct?

Life

I've been around. Just never had the time to drop by.

Thunderbird has a philosophy class, it can truly be enlightening at times, not all the time, but sometimes.

Anyways, the last assignment is to write a personal philosophy.

You can see where I might come in right?

There was a short section before the real writing, multiple choice.
Here are my answers.

1. I believe that, ultimately, everything that exists is:
Spiritual or Physical
Material or Physical
Both Material and Spiritual
Neither Material nor Spiritual

I went with the fourth. Obviously a chair is a material object, but it does not exist. What distinguishes myself from a chair, why do I exist? I think. But thinking is no spiritual process, it's something else.

2. God, spirits and the afterlife:
Exist
Do not exist
May or may not exist

I went with three. The story of God is so amazing and whimsical, it's hard to believe. But so is life. There are so many questions, so little answers. Religion is a toss-up.

3. What is true, is what:
Corresponds with reality
Is coherent
Is useful
Is so

I went with the last again. There is no way to really justify that. Truth just is.

4. We:
Do or can not know anything
Do or can know anything
Do or can know many things
Do or can know some things

Number one is my answer. Nothing can be certain, nothing 100 percent.

5. Whether an action is right or wrong, depends primarily on:
How it affects me
How it affects the happiness of the majority
The reason or motive for the action, regardless of the consequences
Whether it pleases God
How we feel

I went with how we feel. I will explain after

6. For example, sexism, apartheid, murder or rape is:
Right
Wrong
Both right and wrong
Neither right nor wrong

The last. For myself, those are all wrong. But since I believe right and wrong off feelings then "Right" and "Wrong" will always be majority rules. Everyone feels different, some people think killing is okay sometimes, that's fine for them. But a true right and wrong cannot exist.

7. Given my:
African experience
American experience
Asian experience
European experience
International experience
Human experience

Went with the last.

8. I think that one should live a life of:

Whatever they wish. Do what you want, live your life. Should you stumble, find a better footing. Always listen.

9. The most basic principle I hold dearly and wish to recommend to others is:

Listen

My reasoning being, you can have your opinions, I'll have mine, but there are so many sides to each story and only when you hear them all do you see clearly.

10. Because of the following considerations, I believe that life has:
Meaning
No meaning

Life has meaning. Perhaps not inherently, but it's there. Somewhere.

11. To summarize my philosophy of life in one profound statement or sentence, I would say that life is: just this. It's living.

My reason being, with all the views on life it can't be defined and boxed up, packed neatly in a sentence that explains all. It's simply living.

That's that then. Hope you enjoy part of my philosophy of life.

And so Many Little Nothings to Say

If I couldn't then I would

For who doesn't enjoy

The sweet taste

Of bitter failure

And as I sit

Arms crossed

Staring

At the hole in the wall

I think of the times where it wasn't

I remember when I,

Having not yet existed,

Set foot

on this world

A dark place

Filled

With so much light

And so many little nothings to say

Lost in the Dark

Even in the black of night

Hope is out there shining bright

But by the time we reach the dawn

It seems our hope is simply gone

Why when we are so low

Does the light of hope glow?

And when everything is alright

No more can we see the light

Can we not appreciate life?

Until we’ve had heartache and strife?

Why do we need to choose?

Only when there’s none to lose?

There seems no purpose for a light in the day

For we have the sunshine’s ray

But some people will never learn

Haven to some, and others: Sunburn

For a tragic few

There’s nothing they can do

Night or day

There’s nothing to say

These few never try to make their mark

Sad and lonely

Lost in the dark

Hey, it's day

Thanks to school I have gotten a taste of the light. Here's what I have to say about my stay

A Cage Built of False Reason

I step up to the cage built of false reason.

The beast inside eyes me as I finger the latch

Slowly I unlock the cage and back away.

The beast steps out shaking his head from side to side

He stretches and steps forward

I step back

I fear this creature

The creature bares its teeth

They gleam in the night

Soon I’ve run out of room

I feel the edge of the cliff, a light breeze blows

I wonder if it would be simpler to jump

To join the rest down below

I look at the world

The animals there have it easy

They know not of the beast on the cliff

Ignorance is bliss

With a deep breath I step forward

I am ready to face the beast

Even in the darkness I can see it smile

Chills

A hopefully quick post.

I just wanted to comment on the chills. The chills (and the sudden feeling that I'm falling) are how I know I'm up on my cliff.


So even though I am under several blankets it give me great joy to tell you all

I am freezing.

Train of Thought

The train of thought has no tracks.

I just made the weirdest noise earlier. It was part snort and something else. It was like a breathing issue there.

Oh hey. It's 1:1am. Lovely.

Ever had one of those Truth time things or whatever? Yeah well, castle tours and drawbridges.
I had a better speech earlier. I forgot it.

Had a flying dream. Paper Dragons and City Tours.

If I just write what I'm thinking I could learn a bunch. In theroy.

Let's test it

I have to no ready holiday bangers frog the the rag and some setting part with out the hand ham quit the job at the store of no return but I can't I don't know why but I can not eat at a fine diner with no hate iI do not hate you or anything but I lie. I hate and it's possible. I have no why goat garnden if not then veggies on wheat or rye if cathers on home base then all belong to hand great if not then yes I can not accept that you are not a lizard but maybe I have problems that should be disscussed with a trained stunt car driver on a date which is not today.

I think I learned tons from that. Serious.

Someone else try it...I'll go again cuz that was kinda fun

Get out of my chess house not today or tommorrow but yes. Stressed are the ones that can not get a job if they can not then they can't and can is not an choice. If I had to I would but I don't so I won't and do not need to. I am not guilty of the crimes you say but many others that I can not speak of today.

Something with today and can not...hmm...Intresting.
I leave you with this:

There's a pause. There's always a pause.

In the cycle. In life. Right before I write this post.

The pause is when we are aware.

And the pause is when everything is truly tragic

Wise is he who knows he does not know

I know nothing.

About myself. About the world. About Life. About German Engineering.

I guess it's all for the best. If I pretended I knew everything I'd be a complete idiot.

I ask you, have you ever just say back and marveled about how much we really don't know?

It's astounding. Enough to make you think that we humans are idiots.

Well that's only a little true. We've come a long way sure but, to pretend that we know near everything is stupid. We don't really know why things work. And that bothers us.

So we mask it. Pretend that we know all there is to know, that we're the expert.

Remember Socrates anyone?

He realized how much we don't know, and it knocked him off his feet. But you know what he did? He got right back up and started asking questions. As he suspected no one knew the answers.

Well not knowing the answers made people feel dumb and NO ONE like to feel dumb. So as you could imagine the people got upset with Socs and well...the rest is history.

It's why some people cling to math.

We can say for certain that 2 and 2 make 4. (Unless you are Radiohead)

But we can't be sure that there is life after death or some other possibly religious possible offensive but controversial question.


On a absolutely unrelated consciously, note. I had an odd dream.

Yes I can dream. Just because I am awakened at night does not mean I can't dream.

The point is, I can hardly recall it. There was an overwhelming feeling of despair and hopelessness.

Oddly enough that feeling is in a lot of my dreams that I like.

That brings me to this:

When I was young and imagining things, playing pretend with myself. I liked to have my characters hit bottom. They had to be ready to lose all hope before they could climb back up.

In fact, I had a story that I would make up on my head every night with this theme: Character has the greatest bad luck ever.

What the greatest bad luck means is that this person would always end up in painful life or death things and always live.

One time they got hit by a bus. One time they fell off a cliff.

To make matters worse for them, she's practically famous for not dying so there are groups of people that are trying to kill her.

So I don't know what that surprisingly morbid side-note had to do with anything. But then again...

Wasn't that my point?

Nothing comes from Nothing

Nothing comes from nothing.

This blog comes from me. Why? Good question. This is the blog I made for the creature of the night. It's the part of me that nearly never sees the light of day.

This blog helps these thoughts show in the daylight. While the mask slips back on and the questions repressed, this stays here. A waving flag on the top of the cliff

Though I stay hidden it screams

"I am here"

I didn't think that this side of me existed. But it became obvious after too long. A cheery joker in the day. Yes that's me, If I am not smiling something must be wrong.

Well. That isn't really me
That person is Thunderbird. I am not her.

I guess it would be best to call me Anaz (AH-naz) Similar to Anasazi the group of people who live along to cliffs.

I should try my best to explain my metaphoric cliff. This may get you no where, but it's a start

Up Here on my Cliff, I see Everyone but Myself

Up here on my cliff

It’s cold

High up

I see everyone but myself

That’s absurd

The view here is blurred

I can’t really see

I’m not truly free

I want to know me

But I don’t want to see

It could be wrong

Maybe I misheard the song

And most of all

The fear of a fall

The fortress collapsing in a mound

But never makes a sound

I came here to be free

I came here to know me

If only this cliff were that easy

If only this cliff weren’t so breezy

Yet in a twisted way

I understand everything that I say

And through those words

I know I

I can’t even begin to explain why.

Even though what I learn

Could be not true

I’ll still come here

If only for the view